No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
