Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
