I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
