DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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