In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Randomize