this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
We have so much sex to catch up on
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
