you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
