My liver just broke up with me...
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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