Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
