Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Alive.
So much puke
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
