no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
