My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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