If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
