Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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