why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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