Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize