it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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