I got chris browned last night
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
