No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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