Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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