Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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