just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Church boner. Awkwardddd
So many bounce houses so little time
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You were trust falling into bushes
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
