You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
