I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
