Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
