I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
worst night to have a conscience
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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