trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
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