I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize