Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
