i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
