I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Randomize