We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
