can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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