I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
