He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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