Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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