Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
