dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
