we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
