I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
i out mim tonsoeep
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
