ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
