why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
