I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize