i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
