Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
