literally had 100 drinks last night.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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