Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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