everyone is single if you try hard enough
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
