The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
