I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
