Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I could fuck to npr.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
