mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
