I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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