I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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