bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
