So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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