you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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