Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
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