He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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