I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
