watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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