Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
