you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Randomize
