chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
