Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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