Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
