fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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