He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
