You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
