a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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