Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
