Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
