Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
