Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Sext me about skeletons
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
