My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize