If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
