Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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