last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
