Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
