Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
