Have you finally orgasmed yet?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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