You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
