It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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