This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
