ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
my shit smells like andre
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
