I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
