a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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