Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
