If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Dignity is for republicans.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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