I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
