the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
