sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize