I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
