Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm sobbing to NWA
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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