He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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