I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
