Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
