I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
