This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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