Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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