my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Randomize
