Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
