I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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