tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
we should paint friendship bongs
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
