There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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